Swing Sets and Outdoor Play Equipment- 5 Essential Tips Before You Buy

For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor play equipment can be a daunting task. There are so many different materials to choose from and prices can vary from around a hundred dollars up to a couple of thousand for a larger solid timber unit. Outdoor swing sets can be as simple as an individual swing right up to a swing, slide, ropes and bars along with sandpit, cubby or fort.

Before you make any firm decisions there are a couple of main considerations…

1. Consult with your Kids-They will ultimately be using the equipment so it is important to purchase something that suits their needs, now and in the future.

2. Your Yard- The size of your backyard may determine the type of playground equipment you choose. As well as the size of the unit itself, your play equipment needs safe a circulation area around it. For toddlers you may prefer a smaller swing set that can moved between indoor and outdoors.

3. Budget- Outdoor play equipment and swing sets are an investment in your kids, they will potentially get many hours of enjoyment and play. There is a vast difference in price and durability for different materials, see below for pros and cons. Larger sets are generally built to last and often require delivery and installation, so you may need to factor this into your budget.

4. Materials and Durability-
Plastic- These sets are generally only suitable for toddlers, they are affordable and can often be swapped between indoors and outdoors.
Cedar and Redwood- the preferred choice for long lasting playground equipment. These two woods are low-maintenance because they naturally resist rot and insects, and don’t require sealing.
Pine- look for 100% chemical free lumber. Pine need to be treated annually to maintain its resistance to the elements.
Metal- if you are going with a simple steel swing set look for heavy duty galvanised steel with a lifetime guarantee against rust. Metal swings are hard wearing but not as visually appealing as their timber counterparts.

5. Hidden Extras-
Delivery and Installation- check if the set is delivered and installed by an installation crew or left at your doorstep for you to set up.
Warranty- does the company offer a lifetime warranty? Some outdoor sets (cedar and redwood) are a once only purchase, whereas others have a much shorter lifespan. If plastic units are left out in the elements they will deteriorate much faster than if they can be stored out of the sun and rain when not in use.
Inspection- you can do plenty of browsing online but may prefer to inspect the set first. By taking your kids to ‘try before you buy’ you will feel much more comfortable with your purchase.

Four Tips For Alleviating Back To School Anxiety

Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first bell of the year will ring and the sounds of summer will be replaced by the voices of school-aged children bemoaning the end of their summer and trying to sort out their new school routines: What building am I in? Who’s my teacher this year? Do I really have to take calculus?

For most children, going back to school signifies a move from the lazy, hazy days of summer to a regimented school routine and poses unique challenges that must be overcome. “It’s a school night” becomes part of the parental lexicon for the next ten months and children typically resist the concept. At issue for children and parents alike: change.

Let’s take a peek at Zach:

Zach is 7 yrs old and will be starting the second grade at El Rodeo in a few short weeks. He was a star in the first grade, knowing most of the answers and always assisting Ms. Daisy in classroom activities. He even sang a solo in the spring concert!

Understanding that change can often lead to feelings of anxiety, the faculty at El Rodeo began preparing Zach and his classmates for their transition to Grade 2 in April of their Grade 1 school year. Ms. Davis had a special talk with her class after story time. Zach and his classmates were told about how big they have become and how proud she was of everyone’s progress. Ms. Davis spoke about next year and their new classroom across the hallway. She even invited Ms. Eva, the second grade teacher, to the class to introduce her to the children.

Zach and his classmates soon began regular visits to their new classroom. On Fridays, they joined Ms. Eva’s class for story time and got used to their new surroundings. Despite all the mindful planning for this transition by his teachers, as the start of the new school year approached, Zach began to have difficulty.

He became increasingly irritable at home, and also began to wake during the night. When he started to lose his acquired toilet training abilities, Zach’s parents reached out for support.

With constant communication by teachers and parents, and much love and support, Zach was able to adjust to the change in his school routine and now looks forward to starting school. He spent the last week of school happily sharing his excitement about the beginning of a new school year.

Here are four tips to help alleviate your child’s back-to-school anxiety:

1) Know: Your child and how they handle transition

2) Communicate: Let your child know that you are aware of their anxiety and that you are here to help see them through their difficulty

3) Support: Your child in ways to build upon their strengths and talents

4) Reach out: To teachers and other professionals for assistance should your child continue to experience difficulties

Transitions are never easy, especially for a child who may feel that their world is out of their control. Assist your child to regain that control in a strength-based supportive way and share in their excitement as they head back to school.

Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.

The Recipe For The Making Of A Self-Assured Child: One Part Communication, Two Parts Love

Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped in part by the influence of parents. Your child is not born with a self-image or self-assurance. Both traits are learned through experiences beginning from birth.

But who is the self-assured child? Simply put, it is the child who is confident of their self-worth, and their talents and abilities. A confident and outgoing child, who is not afraid to show the world all the unique ways in which he / she shines.

The process of making a self-assured child begins at birth. Children are born with clean slates and do not implicitly know and understand their self-worth. The seeds of self-assurance and self-esteem, therefore, must be carefully sown by the adult figures in a child’s life.

Let’s take a look at 3 ½ year old Jennifer:

Jennifer attends pre-school. As part of the year-end wrap up, Mom and Dad meet with Jen’s pre-school teacher, Mrs. Hamilton.

Mrs. Hamilton tells Jen’s parents that she has noted that Jennifer is always seeking feedback on her accomplishments. “When Jennifer finishes a drawing,” notes Mrs. Hamilton, “she is undoubtedly never sure if it is good, and, therefore, fails to exhibit any happiness. Instead, she asks her teachers for re-assurance that the drawing is beautiful and has made them happy.”

Jennifer’s parents have noted similar behavior at home and during play dates with other children. “Jennifer has tremendous difficulty making selections from colors of crayons to food,” states Jennifer’s mother. “If I ask her what she’d like for dinner, she always asks ‘What are my choices?’ and I begin to narrow the selections for her. Sometimes, I even make the decision for her. No matter what I choose - even if it’s her favorite meal - Jennifer’s never happy and always demands to know why she has to eat that.” Mrs. Hamilton tells Jennifer’s parents that she too has noted that Jennifer will talk back to a teacher or adult in charge, demanding an explanation for having to follow direction. “No matter how many times we try to talk to her,” notes Jennifer’s father, “she doesn’t seem to have an awareness of her behaviors.”

The following suggestions may help you raise self-assured children:

? Praise your child: Applause the effort, not just the outcome. Start early and give genuine compliments freely and honestly.

? Observe your child’s schoolwork and other activities: Offer your child constructive feedback on their work, this will allow your child to have a safe and realistic view of themselves

? Frame social interactions: Give your child the boundaries with which to speak and respond appropriately to others

? Outline choices: Allow your child to choose from a limited amount of choices. Providing too many will overwhelm the child and may cause frustration and confusion

? Lead: Always keep a watchful eye and take charge when necessary

Keep In Mind: The process of building self-esteem needs to begin at birth but it’s never too late to implement positive behaviors.

The recipe for success in raising a self-assured child is simple; connect with your child through positive interactions and communications, and offer unconditional love and support.

You will forever have an impact upon the manner in which your child interacts and feels about themselves. Reach for assistance from a professional if you have any questions.

Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.

Missing The Bus

As a step daughter and step grand daughter, I followed the examples that were set for me years before when I became a step parent. The way my stepson finally came to love and respect me as his step mother, was through all of the “trying” experiences we had. Excuse the pun, but raising kids is a very trying experience!

One of the first times my stepson “tried” or tested my word and consistency was over catching the school bus. Nick was not a morning person and that made getting up in time for school in the morning a problem. Myself having lunches to pack, and two other kids who were already responsible for getting themselves up, Nick knew that I expected him to do his thing in the morning. When he missed the bus the first time, I informed him that I would drive him to school that one time, and one time only!

Just a couple of weeks later on another early school morning, I could tell Nick was going to miss the bus if he didn’t move a lot faster and told him so. I left it at that, went about my business, and sure enough Nick came to me with a sorrowful look on his face saying that he had missed the bus. I said, “You had better get your rollerblades on then or you will be late for the start of school!” Nick was incredulous and asked if I was sure I could not take him to school, and I told him that he got his one and only ride the first time he missed the bus and he better get a move on.

Educational Jigsaw Puzzles, How Educational Are They?

Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much of this terminology is sales promotion and jargon, and how much is fact?

As an educator for many years, I can say with authority, that there is educational value in all types of jigsaw puzzles. The skills acquired and practiced in completing jigsaw puzzles are a foundational part of successful learning. Doing jigsaw puzzles develops several functions of the brain simultaneously as a child has fun and also learns. Most notably developed in this learning process are the abilities to reason, deduce, analyze, sequence, and develop logical thought and problem solving skills. Physically, eye-hand coordination and spatial awareness are also required to complete a jigsaw puzzle.

Putting these benefits aside, I want to look particularly at the jigsaw puzzles that are labeled “Educational”. These puzzles are designed to teach a specific learning objective. Some examples of these might be a jigsaw puzzle map of the world, or of the solar system. The manufacturers claim that such puzzles will teach a child those specific facts. What educational value in reality do these types of puzzles contain?

Firstly the degree of the educational value of these types of puzzles is dependant on how the puzzles are used in the learning process. For example, let us suppose that the learning objective is to learn about the geography of the United States of America, specifically the position of the individual states. You buy a puzzle picturing all the states and their position in the country, and give it to the child to do. Will the child ace a test on the States? Probably not! I’m sure that some learning will take place, but it will be limited and a few weeks later very little of the learning would be retained. To the child the learning process of doing that puzzle would be similar to any jigsaw puzzle that they do. Their focus on the states and where they fit is limited to the process of completing the puzzle.

In order to maximize the educational value of a jigsaw puzzle, it needs to part of the learning process, but not all of it.

Children have different styles of learning and an advantage of a jigsaw puzzle is that it does involve using more than one type of learning aptitude in the process of completing it. The most obvious learning style for a puzzle is the visual. In doing a puzzle of the USA the child will see the overall shape and also how the various states fit together to complete the whole. Jigsaw puzzles involve both the global (big picture) and analytic (details) aspects of learning. Puzzles are also good for the kinesthetic tendencies of learners. Kinesthetic learners learn best by practical hands on activities. For those with a auditory preference in learning, conversation about the learning and the correlations in the puzzle combined with the overall learning objectives, needs to happen at the same time as the puzzle is being done.

However the greatest educational benefit comes when the jigsaw puzzle is done as part of the overall learning objective. A jigsaw puzzle can be used to introduce a new subject as well as reinforce learning that has already occurred. The educational value increases to the extent that the subject of the puzzle is meaningful to the knowledge the child already has. To the degree that the child can correlate his prior knowledge with the puzzle experience, the more educational value is gained.

The jigsaw puzzle can also create new learning experiences. These experiences can then be developed in many other ways for an overall learning experience. For example, in doing a puzzle on American Geography, famous landmarks located on the puzzle could then be looked up and researched in books or on the Internet. Stories can be read or told about historical events that occurred. The actual size of an American state could be explored by working out how long it would take to travel across by car or train. The learning possibilities are endless.

Some educational puzzles such as ‘Faces and Places’ and ‘The Map of the Solar System’ ,produced by the Great American Puzzle Company come accompanied by a guide book that can be used to get the maximum educational benefit and value from the jigsaw puzzles.

In conclusion, it can be said that all jigsaw puzzles have educational value to some extent. The puzzles that are advertised as ‘educational’ can be of great educational value if introduced, not in isolation, but as part of a specific learning goal that has both relevance and purpose for the child.

Any time spent doing a jigsaw puzzle with your child will make it a more meaningful and memorable experience. Don’t just give your child a present of a jigsaw puzzle-instead give your child an educational experience and a memory that will last a lifetime.

Parenting - Give Your Child The Tools To Build Strong Character And Values

There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different from your own parents, your siblings, or your neighbors. There is no right or wrong parenting style. If you are teaching your children basic values and good citizenship, you have already won half the battle. There are some basic character traits that are necessary for children to develop into good citizens and role models. Instilling these values in your children will provide them with a strong foundation on which they can base their lives and build their futures.

Trustworthiness is among the most important lessons you can teach your children. Children that are taught to be honest and reliable will not only grow up to be successful adults, they will also become courageous, learn to do the honorable thing even if it is not the easiest way, and will build a good reputation that will follow them through the rest of their lives. Children should also be taught fairness. Taking turns, playing by the rules, learning to listen to others and their opinions with an open mind, and learning to not cast blame will put your child on the path to responsible adulthood and teach the value of friendship. Learning to respect others includes tolerance, judiciousness, and solving problems peacefully.

Teach your children to be compassionate and caring towards others. Gratefulness, forgiveness, and helpfulness will follow your child into adulthood and give them strong leadership skills. Children should learn to be dependable, learn to do their best at whatever challenges are place din their path, and learn to take responsibility for their actions. Respect for authority and a concern for the world in which they live will give your children the skills they require to become successful adults and leaders in their community. No matter what your parenting style, these basic lessons will give your children a sense of values, belonging, and a strong character.

When Kids Hurt Parents

The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes wound us deeply, to the very core of our soul. The hurtful words of our children can scar us like no other. They are capable of hurting us with the deepest kind of hurt. When the words “I hate you” spurt forth from the mouth of a five year old in the throes of a temper tantrum we tend to overlook them. When words such as those are hurled at us from the lips of our teenage or adult offspring they cut sharper than any blade forged from steel. The wound can fester leaving us open and vulnerable to future hurt. We forgive them. They’re our children, we love them so how can we not forgive them? Yet the pain of such damaging words still lingers. In the back of a parent’s mind, it is only natural that doubt should remain. Did he really mean what he said or was it just anger talking? Does my child really hate me? Have I failed as a parent?

We’re only human so we’re bound to question ourselves. We automatically assume that our offspring are acting out due to our own inadequacies as a parent. We are left feeling a jumble of mixed emotions. We feel angry with our children for the tone they’ve taken with us; we feel angry with ourselves for not raising them better but most of all we feel hurt. We wonder what we’ve done to deserve such treatment. Times have changed. Children are more outspoken and candid with their parents but a change of times should not warrant disrespect. As a teenager I would have never treated my mother with the type of disrespect that is so common these days. Certainly we had our moments like every parent and child but I would not have deliberately spoken out against her with malice or contempt.

Many parents tend to blame themselves to the point that they will utterly deny any disrespect directed toward them from their own children. This is done more to protect themselves rather than their offspring. To admit disrespect on the part of their children would be to admit failure on their part. Parents shouldn’t always blame themselves for the shortcomings of their daughters and sons. We do the best we can and each child is different as is each parent. It used to be that parents expected too much of their children. Although that still occurs, it seems the roles have reversed to some extent. Now, children expect too much of their parents. This is due in part to the commercialism and competitiveness of the world we live in. Society is one huge commercial venture.

Oftentimes parents are expected to have better jobs, nicer cars and bigger houses. If they can’t provide their offspring with fat allowances and the newest name brand clothes they may be labeled a bad parent. Many teenagers have an issue with respect. They fully expect others to treat them with respect but they certainly don’t know how to treat others, including their own parents, the same way. Teaching kids good old fashioned values may work for some but definitely not all. Sadly, it appears the temptations of today’s world seem to be winning out. Perhaps, divine justice will prevail when our children reap what they sow through their own children.

Is a Mothers Love, Medicine?

Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache, burning fever and sore throat. So what does any natural mother do when their offspring takes ill. They smother him or her with a lot of TLC and would walk to the ends of the earth just to take away the pain and suffering.

Is a mother’s love, medicine?

Despite all those motherly rituals mentioned above. There was no change in my nine year old son’s condition. Meningitis still so distant in my thoughts..The lucozade was poured out in pints to quench his thirst and a saturated flannel to change every minute to wipe his brow. I prayed more times to god than that of any pope for my son to pull out of this other world he had elapsed into.

A mother’s love is more of a cure than any cough medicines pills or tablets, so I thought..

Humming one of his favourite tunes as I held him up close in my arms rocking him back and too.Not even his favourite videos could pull him out of this alien world that he now belonged to

Was a mother’s love? slowly killing her little boy.

Every mother’s worst nightmare was to befall me with the inevitable happening. Purple like bruises began to appear on his chest followed by the loss of his voice. With trembling hands I struggled to dial 999. Please god if your up there hear my prayers, let my little boy reach 10..

When the doctor arrived he said he couldnt rule out meningitis. And so my little boy was rushed off in an ambulance at a speed that would have given Nigel Mansell a run for his money.Thank god for flashing blue sirens.

In silence I prayed for god to give me back my son.

The curtain may well have been a brick wall that separated me and my little boy in the hospital. But he was in good hands I assured myself and that being the hands of god.

It seemed like a life time before that curtain came swishing back to have the doctor in his white coat appear before me. I gave him lucozade I wiped his brow. I even put on his favourite videos and smothered him with all the love I could possibly give. Where did I go wrong doctor? You did nothing wrong was his reply.

Just to hear those words that there was no cause for alarm and that my little boy was going to pull through, gave me back all the strength that seemed to have drained from my body while waiting for the outcome of this nightmare.

Meningitis symptons had a strong presence the doctor said. It was a virus on the inside trying to break out.Tears of happiness flowed like that of Niagra falls as I rushed to my little boys side.

Holding him tight kissing and cuddling him like any natural mother would do.

I had unfinished business to attend to and that was to thank the man himself up above for hearing my cry. Now to arrange a ten year olds birthday party.

The doctor approached me and asked if he could say something before I left.

Yes of course doctor?A mother’s love is great medicine for comforting her childrenbut when it comes to curing them. please call a doctor.

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Parenting: 6 Observations on Fatherhood

Just the other day my oldest son asked:

“Daddy, am I old enough to call you Dad?”

Won’t be long now before he is asking for the car keys…….

Here are a few things I’m learning as well as some important things I’ve discovered so far about this thing called fathering.

1. You really have to give up the myth of quality time vs quantity time. By the time the average child is 7 years old, they have watched 20,000 commercials. Given that amount of influence, infrequent “quality time” just doesn’t cut it. It has to be quantity time that’s of high quality.

2. As a dad you have been influenced and effected by the generations of fathering that went on before you. By the same token, the fathering we do will not effect only the children in our home. The job we do as fathers, for better or worse, will effect generations to come.

3. Sue Shellenbarer, a columnist for The Wall Street Journal has coined the phrase the “tomorrow trap.” She describes the tomorrow trap as “living for the future, taking refuge in visions of a relaxed and rewarding personal and family life somewhere down the road…..a kind of mirage that people chase while in reality they are burying themselves in work and other pursuits.”

Ouch. Sounds familiar to me, how about you? As dads we have to remember that not only does “someday” never come, it’s not even on the calendar. Spend the savored time now, because today is here.

4. Some of us may not have had the best model for a dad in our own father, or perhaps no model at all. That’s sad and painful. What it is not is an excuse. It can be a springboard for change. Whatever has been handed down to us, we can decide to change in this generation. There is so much information available now on how to do this dad thing.

5. Just he other day a father asked me “how do I play with my little kids.” While it’s sad that the question has to be asked, the answer is really quite simple. Get down on the floor with them, and let them lead. You follow.

Theres a Lollipop on Your Bottom (and Other Terms of Endearment)

“I took care of Callie,” my three-year-old announced.

Callie had been starting with that little whine that babiesadopt to alert mothers and sisters that their new crawlingtricks have them wedged behind the furniture. But the whininghad stopped–rather suddenly it seems in retrospect.

“Thanks, Cassie. You are such a big help,” I said. “Howdid you manage that?”

“I got her a beer.”

Sure enough, Callie was still wedged behind the table, butnow she was happily gumming the cold smooth side of a Newcastle.

Because I wanted to think that Cassie went for the beer in the fridgebecause she imagined how good it would feel on her teethingsister’s sore gums–and not because she deems it some sort ofpanacea–the whole thing got me laughing (after I took awaythe beer, of course.) Then it got me thinking about which ofmy friends would laugh about this story along with me. Andwhich would sort of disapprove.

I guess that groups my mommy friends into two camps: one campthat can overhear me pleading with my kids, “Please don’t lickthe carpet,” and they don’t say a word (or better yet, theylaugh). And the other camp, which thinks that’s pretty gross.

For me, if a toddler gets out of a car, and she has a lollipopstuck to her bottom, I know, instantly, that her mom is a friend.And the opposite is true, too. If you’ve got any number of kidsunder the age of four and your car doesn’t occasionally stink,you probably make me a little nervous.

Theres a Lollipop on Your Bottom (and Other Terms of Endearment)

“I took care of Callie,” my three-year-old announced.

Callie had been starting with that little whine that babiesadopt to alert mothers and sisters that their new crawlingtricks have them wedged behind the furniture. But the whininghad stopped–rather suddenly it seems in retrospect.

“Thanks, Cassie. You are such a big help,” I said. “Howdid you manage that?”

“I got her a beer.”

Sure enough, Callie was still wedged behind the table, butnow she was happily gumming the cold smooth side of a Newcastle.

Because I wanted to think that Cassie went for the beer in the fridgebecause she imagined how good it would feel on her teethingsister’s sore gums–and not because she deems it some sort ofpanacea–the whole thing got me laughing (after I took awaythe beer, of course.) Then it got me thinking about which ofmy friends would laugh about this story along with me. Andwhich would sort of disapprove.

I guess that groups my mommy friends into two camps: one campthat can overhear me pleading with my kids, “Please don’t lickthe carpet,” and they don’t say a word (or better yet, theylaugh). And the other camp, which thinks that’s pretty gross.

For me, if a toddler gets out of a car, and she has a lollipopstuck to her bottom, I know, instantly, that her mom is a friend.And the opposite is true, too. If you’ve got any number of kidsunder the age of four and your car doesn’t occasionally stink,you probably make me a little nervous.

In all of our efforts to prove our own Supermom skills, let’sremember that it’s sometimes rather endearing when we can’t.To remember that may be to regain a lot of energy and a lot of time.

Babys First Month at a Glance

Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your baby home and are pretty excited about everything. Perhaps you don’t even mind the fact that getting a good night’s sleep is getting tougher by the day.

Getting into a routine

This is not easy, but rest assured, it will happen. By the end of the first month, new parents discover that their baby lets them slip into a comfortable (but exhausting) routine. If this is your first baby, you probably feel totally amateurish. Relax, let your baby’s cues guide you and very soon you will be a seasoned pro!

Rock-a-bye baby

Your baby will probably sleep 12-18 hours a day between regular feedings. If you are lucky, your baby will sleep for longer stretches at night. Do not let your one-month old baby sleep through the night. At this age, infants need to feed at least every 2-3 hours for healthy development. Regular feeds are also important in stimulating your milk supply, which will get established during the first month.
Baby is growing

By the end of one month, your baby should be able to focus on faces, lift his head briefly when on stomach, and probably startle in response to a loud noise. All babies reach developmental milestones at a genetically set time, which differs with every baby. Do not expect your baby to go by the book. Your baby’s weight might decrease in the first few days as he loses fluids postdelivery. Most newborns stop losing weight by the fifth day and surpass their birthweights in about fifteen days.

Cause for concern?

More than fifty percent of babies develop newborn jaundice because their immature livers cannot handle the extra bilirubin (the yellow pigment) they produce. Mild to moderate physiological jaundice requires no treatment. Others might require medical attention in the form of bililight therapy.

Babies born by normal deliveries usually have misshapen heads. Your baby’s head will gradually attain a regular shape; you can prevent flattening by giving her a little ‘tummy time’ everyday.

Colic and continuous crying are things that most parents dread. Hours of dealing with a crying baby coupled with lack of sleep and exhaustion can drive anyone crazy. It is vital to seek help and give both your baby and yourself a break during spells of colic. Time tested methods such as rocking, “the colic carry”, swaddling and soothing music can work wonders on a baby who seems to be screaming his lungs out.

Ouch! It hurts

Your baby will receive a Hepatitis B shot in the first month of life. This shot is not known to cause fever. Your baby will probably cry for a few minutes and that will be all.

Allergic to milk?

Milk allergy is the most common form of food allergy in infants. Frequent throwing up, loose watery stools and wheezing might be signs of a milk allergy. If your baby is intolerant to milk, try another formula before switching to soy substitutes.

Explosive bowel movements and frequent passing of gas are common in infants and will disappear once the kinks in his bowel get straightened out.

We are different

All new parents have numerous questions lurking in their minds, especially first time parents. No book or article can explain everything about your baby, who like all babies is different from the rest. Write down the specific questions you have about your baby to ask your healthcare provider.

Enjoy the time you spend with your baby and make the best out of your first month together. The first month is the perfect time to forge a bond with baby, a bond for life.

How To Teach Your Children Love

I was in the life insurance sales industry for over 8 years. One of best teaching that I have learned from the industry and found in all top sales professionals and successful individuals is:

“All super successful individuals love people more than they love money.”

And it is their love for people that make them wealthy and rich.

I share this same teaching with my children since young. I truly believe that it will be the most important factors to help them become more successful in life.

Love refers to individual and personal caring that goes both beneath and beyond loyalty and respect. It includes the love for friends, neighbors and even adversaries. And most important of all, the lifelong commitment of love for the family.

We learn to love others by serving them and the love is unconditional. We may not always love those who serve us. Their love depending on how it is given, may spoilt us or intimidate us.

However unconditional, understanding and fully accepting love warms us without reservation and brings about our reciprocal love. We may not love those who serve us, but we definitely love those whom we serve.

I’d like to share the following tips where parents can give unconditional love to their children and giving them the opportunities to serve. They are also the things that I live by:

Clearly Separate Dissatisfaction With Behavior From Love of Child

Parents must always expect their children to make mistakes and occasionally demonstrate unacceptable behaviors despite many previous reminders.

When your child misbehave, it is your responsibility as parent to correct him. However at every instance of discipline, you need to reiterate that it is what the child did that you do not like and that your love for him cannot be altered by anything. Mentioned frequently to your children of all ages and back it up with a hug and physical affection.

Here is an example of what I did with my four-old-year daughter three weeks ago when she misbehaved in class by playing during lesson and not giving attention to what her teacher was teaching.

I reprimanded her. I said, “Ethel, I am really upset when you played with your friends in class while all of you are supposed to listen to what your teacher had to say. You are there in class to learn. Do you understand me?”

Her tears started to roll after a long pause. And I sternly continued “Dear, will you promise papa that you will pay attention in class and if your friends misbehave during lesson, you will be the leader by telling them to give respect and attention to your teacher while he is teaching?”

She nodded and more tears started to roll out from her eyes. After another long pause, she asked “Papa, will you still love me?”

I follow up by saying “Dear, papa is angry because of what you did. However I will always love you and as much as ever. Just promise me that you will be a good student in class and show respect to your teacher. Will you do that?”

She nodded and stood quietly, waiting for me to say more. Instead of continuing to reprimand her, I close the episode by saying “Come, let papa give you a hug.”

She threw herself over me while tears continue to roll. From her eyes, I can tell that she knew that she was in the wrong and at the same, she felt a sense a security that her papa will always be there to love her, no matter what happen.

This event happened about three weeks ago from the time I am writing this. Since then, I have not hear any complain from the teacher. I hope our little girl will continue to be a good and attentive student in class.

Develop A Service Orientation

You and your children can learn collectively to love through serving. Serve in some kind of community projects where your family can help others who are in need. Look for charitable services that you can rendered as a family and that can involve your children. By serving others, you children will learn and appreciate the true meaning of love.

Taking Care of Younger Siblings

If you have children of 4-years-old and above, you can teach them love by giving them the privilege of helping and serving their younger siblings.

Call your older child a tutor and tell him that the younger child is a student. Tell the older one that he will have the opportunity of helping the little one in many ways. He can sit next to the child at meal time, helping him to cut the vegetable or meat into smaller piece and taking milk for him. He can also holds the hand of the younger one while traveling on the road. He can read bed time stories to the younger one or simply helping you to watch out for his siblings while you are having a quick shower.

Parental Involvement in Learning

Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when parents become involved in their education. According to the National Institute for Literacy, when parents or other family members frequently read to children entering kindergarten, those children were at a distinct advantage over children whose families read to them less often.

The Early Childhood Longitudinal Study found that “Children who were read to at least three times a week by a family member were almost twice as likely to score in the top 25 percent in reading than children who were read to less than three times a week.” The study also found that, of children who were read to at least three times a week,

• 76 percent had mastered the letter-sound relationship at the beginning of words, compared to 64 percent of children who were read to fewer than three times a week,
• 57 percent had mastered the letter-sound relationship at the end of words, compared to 43 percent who were read to fewer than three times a week,
• 15 percent had sight- word recognition skills, compared to 8 percent who were read to fewer than three times a week, and
• 5 percent could understand words in context, compared to 2 percent who were read to fewer than three times a week.

The positive impact of parental involvement in learning doesn’t end with kindergarten. Having a variety of reading materials available at home helps older children with reading proficiency. The National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) found that, among students in the fourth grade, “The 68% of students who had three or more different types of reading materials at home performed at the Proficient level, while students who had two or fewer types of reading material at home performed at the Basic level. Students who had 4 types of reading material at home performed the highest.”

Similarly, students who discussed their studies and who talked about reading at home had greater reading proficiency than those who did not. And students of all ages who regularly saw parents and other family members reading at home were positively influenced.

In addition to having a variety of reading materials available at home, discussing reading, and setting a good example by reading, there are a number of ways that parents can create and nurture a home learning environment. Although the Teachers Involve Parents in Schoolwork (TIPS) program from the National Network of Partnership Schools at Johns Hopkins University is directed to teachers, it includes a number of excellent strategies that parents can implement to become active in their children’s education.

Communicate: Regularly communicate with the teacher, either via parent-teacher conferences, weekly progress reviews, or homework reviews. Talk with the child, and have them share their schoolwork and school day experiences.

Volunteer: Volunteer to help out in the classroom or at other school activities.

Home Learning: Point out the links between schoolwork and real life situations. Go on family outings that reinforce the concepts being learned in school.

According to the National Education Association, parental involvement in learning is crucial. As evidence, they cite the following findings of research into parental involvement:

• When parents are involved in their children’s education at home, they do better in school. And when parents are involved in school, children go farther in school - and the schools they go to are better.
• The family makes critical contributions to student achievement from preschool through high school. A home environment that encourages learning is more important to student achievement than income, education level or cultural background.
• Reading achievement is more dependent on learning activities in the home than is math or science. Reading aloud to children is the most important activity that parents can do to increase their child’s chance of reading success. Talking to children about books and stories read to them also supports reading achievement.
• When children and parents talk regularly about school, children perform better academically.
• Three kinds of parental involvement at home are consistently associated with higher student achievement: actively organizing and monitoring a child’s time, helping with homework and discussing school matters.
• The earlier that parent involvement begins in a child’s educational process, the more powerful the effects.
• Positive results of parental involvement include improved student achievement, reduced absenteeism, improved behavior, and restored confidence among parents in their children’s schooling.

The Seven Keys of Being a Father

Is there a fathering instinct?

Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson maintains that adults have a fierce desire to protect and nurture the next generation. This is the generative nature of parenting? to nurture and protect the next generation

We recognise this desire in women as the maternal instinct. Men’s strong desire to look after the next generation is best recognised through their protective instincts. Man as hunter and gatherer has always had the survival of his family and community as a motivating force.

But the generative notion of fathering extends way beyond protection of children. Generative fathering means that men help the next generation not just to survive, but to thrive and grow. It is in the wellbeing of the next generation that traditionally men have left their mark.

This generative or instinctive notion of fathering has been lost in recent years as men have spent less time around their children. Fathers may be born to the task of raising children but they need to be around children so they can nudge fathering out them.

Too often fathers see themselves as playing a role, when the essence of fathering is actually embedded in their own psyche and linked to their child’s development. According to Erikson there are seven tasks that a father carries out to ensure the well-being of the next generation. It is a brilliant framework that helps men move away from playing roles and gets them to focus on the needs of their children. The seven tasks of fathering, also known as fatherwork, are:

1. Ethical work: Men commit to acting in a child’s best interests. Research shows that when men make a strong commitment to look after the well-being of their baby then they will sustain long-term involvement and support for their child. Ethical work is shown when men make decisions about work and careers with their children’s best interests in mind.

2. Stewardship work: This aspect of fathering involves men providing for children and also helping them develop the resources and independence to look after themselves. In many ways this shows itself when dads take on a teaching role, which tend to do when they spend time with kids. Listen to a man when he interacts with his son and inevitably he will be showing him how to do something, even if it is how to kick a football.

3. Developmental work: This aspect of fathering refers to the notion of helping children deal with either sudden change, such as a death in the family, or normal developmental changes, such as moving into adolescence. Dads who do this work well support their children though difficulties and respond with understanding to changes in children’s development.

4. Recreational work: This aspect refers to men’s promotion of relaxation and learning for their children through play. This aspect of fathering tends to be a strong point for many dads, who are the kings of play. It is well-recognised that men play differently with children than mothers, which is fixed in the biological matrix. Men’s domain is rough play, sometimes destructive play and often involves a challenge whether intellectual (e.g chess) or physical.

5. Spiritual work: This aspect of fathering involves men helping children develop values and a set of beliefs that will act as a compass as they move through adolescence and beyond. This involves counselling, teaching and advising. Many readers may remember their own fathers delivering stern lectures, which comes from this aspect of fathering. Good intentions, but poor delivery.

6. Relationship work: This aspect of fathering involves men helping children and young people form relationships and friendships. We do this by sharing our love and thoughts, by displaying empathy and understanding for a child and also by facilitating a child’s relationships with others. In recent times men have stayed out of this area but it is a part of fatherwork.

7. Mentoring: We complete the cycle by ensuring that we support our own children in their own generative work. This involves giving help, support and ideas for our own children when they move into adulthood. In recent years men have fallen down badly in this area as too many men have shallow relationships with their own fathers.

This framework for fathering has depth and breadth. It works on an instinctive level, but many influences come to bear to prevent this instinct and intuition from informing our action. Often it is useful to ask yourself - “What does this situation with my child require of me?” If a child is having friendship issues at school then relationship work is needed. If a child is feeling stressed and needs to relax then it is time for recreational work. If a child gets worked up through play then it is important to do some stewardship work and ensure a child calms down and regains control before bed. If a child is changing schools then it time for some developmental work, to help him or her cope with change.

If you are a father (mothers can do the same thing), reflect on some of the interactions that you have with children, and determine in which area of fatherwork do they fit. You will find that there is an area for each situation. As you respond to children’s needs think about the type of fatherwork you are doing. You will soon discover that you are involved in a variety of very important work. And it will change the way you think about fathering and provide a strong guide to how you should respond to children’s future needs.

Is Your Behavioural Change Strategy Working?

‘How can I start getting my children to help out at home?’

Many parent ask me this question. My answer is simple - “It depends!”

Achieving a behavioural change in children is dependent on their age and stage of development, their temperament and attitude, and how set in their ways they are.

Let’s look further at the above helping at home scenario. If the children are four years of age or younger then encouraging them to contribute to their family’s well-being is relatively easy. Most children want to help at home in the early years so it is a matter of parents providing opportunities for them to help and also showing them how they can assist in positive ways. Helping out and independence are habit-forming so the message for parents is start early and hang in there. Young children can help set and clear away meal areas, clear away their toys and help make their beds. Don’t get too fussed about the quality of their endeavours. They wear L-plates in the early years and the prime lesson for them is that they help their family and contribute to their own well-being.

Older children who may have done very little to help can be tough nuts to crack. How do you get a ten year old to help out if he or she has barely lifted a finger to assist in the previous decade? Basically, there are two methods parents can use to get some change in children when habits are entrenched. Either you try to achieve major change straight away or you work away at the margins to affect change.

A parent trying to promote independence in a child can go ‘cold turkey’ and insist that they get themselves up in the morning, make their own lunch, empty the dishwasher and do forth. This is a major change. Parents who take this approach frequently offer rewards such as pocket money or provision of special treats in exchange for help, however rewarders and bribers should be wary. Any parent offering rewards in exchange for help will need deep pockets as today’s jellybeans soon becomes an electronic toy or something equally expensive. Besides they are teaching children to think ‘what’s in this for ME, rather than WE.’ Such parents may be replacing one habit (dependence) with another (self-centredness). !!. I suggest that parental insistence that their children help backed up by sincere and genuine appreciation when they have done the right thing are strong motivators for most kids.

Alternatively, parents can work at the margins and get their children to help little by little. For instance, packing their own lunch may precede making it. Unpacking the cutlery may precede emptying the whole dishwasher. Cleaning ten toys away may precede cleaning the whole room if they have never done it before. Using this method the helping habits sneaks up on children and takes them by surprise.

Either approach is legitimate however sometimes when parents meet with resistance from children or change seems so overwhelming it is better to play around at the margins and go for small changes. We often use the same principle to put some order in our lives when everything seems chaotic. Sometimes just cleaning the clutter away in a bedroom or tidying a desk can help us feel in control and a little clearer when life seems totally disorganised.

Working away at the margins is a strategy many parents have used successfully when they want to get some behavioural change happening at home. Even if children seem totally out of control look for small areas where you achieve some change. Maybe start with them using better manners when they talk with you or insisting they sit at the meal table until everyone has finished. Often small successes bring monumental improvements. Positive change tends to have a snowball affect. Like a snowball rolling down a slope it gathers momentum and increases in size very rapidly.

So what is your usual change strategy? If you get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start then try starting small and working away at the margins. Start where you know you can experience some success and the change will accelerate.

Parenting Your Teenager: Teens and Violence

I have a bit of a different response than most therapists to the often asked question:

“How can all this teen violence be happening?”

My questions are:

“How could this not be happening”

and

“Why doesn’t it happen even more often?”

Here’s what I mean by these questions - although there are many more factors involved, just consider these three:

1) kids listen to increasingly violent music, see increasingly violent movies and TV shows, and play increasingly violent video games. All of these without any focus on the real life, long term consequences of violence.

2) kids have more and more easy access to weapons that can maim and kill

3) more and more kids get no moral education, and walk around with an underdeveloped conscious at best, and at worst, no conscious at all.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a psychologist to get it that these three ingredients alone are a prescription for disaster.

Warning signs

No one really knows exactly why one kid will snap and another one won’t. At the same time, here a few warning signs for parents and others to watch for:

a history and enjoyment of violent behavior

an inability to feel and/or show remorse

excessive fascination with violent video games and movies

easy access to weapons

little or no parental/adult supervision

little or no impulse control

recent rejections, disappointments or loss of hope

violent and/or suicidal thoughts, threats or other speech

the loss of someone close, either through death, a move, or a break up

a friend or someone they look up to taking a recent violent action

Again, it’s important to remember that kid A could have most or all of these signs and become violent, while kid B could have the same signs and not go off. The most important question to answer, I believe, is what can we do to prevent this kind of stuff in our kids.

Here are a few suggestions:

Know your kid’s world. I realize every parent thinks they know the world of their kid, but do you really? Do you know what kind of lyrics and music is going into their brains all day? Have you looked at the lyrics? Do you know what games they play, what movies they watch? Are you sure? The reason I am so adamant about this is I believe that if enough parents really knew what was going on out there, the stuff I hear every day, there would be some type of revolution.

In the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, “teach your children well.” Teach them:

when someone is beaten up or severely hurt, it takes a long time to heal, physically and emotionally

when someone is killed, they are gone, do not come back, and people grieve their loss

if you get hit like guys get hit on TV wrestling, you don’t get up, you go to the hospital

how to problem solve without violence

what to do with the anger and rage we all experience.

And last but not least, run, don’t walk, to your nearest bookstore and pick up a copy of Stephen Glenn’s book “Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World.” In it you will find the results of Glenn’s research into the problems of youth, the Significant Seven Factors that separate high risk kids from low risk kids and how to encourage them in your family.